de-stressing

Sorry for the long absence, between the holidays and doing some soul searching life has been busy. I've been working towards a sense of balance lately and am getting closer each day. I've stopped listening to the constant bickering at work, which is helping a lot. Tomorrow I have a massage appointment, which should help release more stress.

I plan to begin doing the daily tarot posts again, hopefully starting tomorrow.

Balance...

I've been thinking a lot about the comment cgirlslife made on my last post about The Chariot. I have to agree that balance plays a big part in why it is coming up so much lately. I am lacking balance and try as I might, I'm finding it very hard to achieve. Its been a problem ever since I first moved to South Dakota. I still feel alienated here. I feel more out of place here than I ever have in my life. That may very well be my own doing, however I still feel that those I interact with have also played a roll. Maybe they sensed all along that I wouldn't be staying long and that's why they've stayed distant. I've lost track of the number of reasons for why I feel this way.

Were it not for the yoga studio and the friends I've found there, I'm fairly certain I would have packed myself and the cat back up in the car and driven back to Illinois by now. I'm so thankful for the yoga studio. It offers me a place to ground, a place to seek change in my life, a place to peel back the layers and re-discover my authentic self.

C has played a large roll in my staying here as well. We've been through a lot of ups and downs this past year. He's had an incredibly rough year and what kind of friend and lover would I be if I deserted him when he needs me most? I just couldn't do that, no matter how unbalanced I feel here. 

I somehow feel like I left my authentic self in Illinois. Some where in that tiny studio apartment, nestled into a dark corner, she sits waiting for my return. I was at my best when I lived in that tiny room. I was centered, I was alive, I was home. When I moved out of the studio and into F&W's house I still felt at home. Mostly because they were two of the best roommates I've ever had the pleasure of living with. The three of us and the twelve cats were a family. A calm, loving, supporting family. I have a different family unit now. One that still works together and with love,  but one that seems to lack balance for whatever reason.

time...

Today's Tarot

This feels like a repeat or perhaps its just the theme of my week. Today's pull was yet again The Chariot. I realize its a time of "What next?", but I am apparently missing an over arching theme. If I get time today, perhaps I'll meditate a bit more on this. I have my second charity bake sale at work this Saturday. I'm excited for it, but also very ready for it to be over. I've been feeling an increasing amount of stress in my life recently and its starting to effect my physical health. I need a break, and can't really see one any where in the near future.

Seeking peace...

Yesterday was filled with Mondayness. I have a co-worker who is just downright hateful. Try as I might to be nice and do things to be helpful, she treats me, as well as others, like crap. She has a poisonous attitude and is the queen of the backhanded compliment. Most days I do a fairly good job of ignoring her. An incident happened yesterday that caused a serious emotional outpouring on my part. I broke down. There is only so much I can take before tears well up and I let go. The General Manager, who is a good friend, was very kind and allowed me the time I needed to find some calm. I'm thankful that I have today off to re-group and concentrate on peacefulness.

moving forward...

Its been a long and somewhat frustrating week. I'm happy to have arrived to Sunday, a day free from work that can be concentrated on home, family, mind, body, and soul.

I spent most of Tuesday working on my cookbook. I've completely re-structured the content and am much happier with the end product. I also took some time to do a bit of market research and look at self-publishing options. I feel very up beat about the whole endeavor and have broken through most of the frustration I previously had. I'm going to begin a second blog this week that concentrates on veganism.

I deleted my Facebook account yesterday. I feel as though its the best way that I can currently show my solidarity with the OWS movement. Goldman Sachs owns a large percentage on Facebook stock. I don't feel comfortable allowing them so much entrance to my personal life. I realize that this also means less contact with friends and a loss of being able to publicize my writing, but I'll find other ways. I do admit that at some point I might make accounts that are solely for the promotion of my blogs and book. Those won't contain personal content though.

Today's Tarot:

The Chariot

Victory after struggle but not an end. This is a time for focus, of "what next?", of finding direction and taking the next step.

Processing....

With the passing of Samhain, comes winter's cold embrace. Rapid City is a dark, cloudy place to be on this first of November. Rain and snow showers are on the agenda for the day with several inches of snow in the forecast for Saturday. Honestly, I'm not ready for it. Winter hangs on far too long here. It stretches on until June in the Hills. I suppose I shouldn't dwell on it though.

I spent a good portion of my time yesterday with a very involved Celtic Cross Tarot Reading. I had planned to post it, but am still processing the information. Perhaps later today once I re-read my notes and meditate a bit more.

The Tower...

Using my birth date and the current year along with the Tarot, I find that I have been going through the Year of the Tower in 2011. It has certainly been a year of sudden change, high drama, chaos, and breaking free. Both in my personal world and in the world at large.

The political climate of our world is shifting. The people are waking to the destructive nature of our governments and have begun to fight back. Its beautiful to me to see the glamour fade and the people rise up and come together to take back our world.

In my every day world, the sudden legal battle for C's son has caused chaos on many fronts. We've gone through a lot of rough ups and downs due to the actions and words of his ex. Certainly proving that the actions of one effect all. Though much negativity has been caused by her deeds, there has been good change to come out of it as well. C and I's connection has grown considerably stronger. Our communication, love, and support of one another has deepened tenfold.

Samhain....

I awoke to a beautiful Samhain morn. C and I are currently continuing our daily morning ritual of sipping coffee while we are on our respective computers catching up on what has transpired in the world over night. I've taken today off from work, something I try to do every year. I do have to stop by the store and put my weekly orders in, but that shouldn't take more than 1/2 an hour. Then I'll be able to focus on the holiday.

I plan to construct a small Ancestor Altar, go for a long meditative walk, do several tarot readings (that I plan to post whilest they happen), and prepare an amazing feast for tonight. Samhain is a time of deep reflection. I feel its a day to not only look back and honor what has passed, but also a time to look forward into the world you wish to inhabit.

Several years ago, I remember reading something Thorn Coyle had written regarding working ritual into daily mundane tasks. She used the example of washing away negetivity while showering. As part of my re-devotion to my spiritual side and as a way to honor the Sacred Wound while letting go and moving forward into a more nourished and fulfilled me, I used this sort of ritual this morning. I often walk away from ritual feeling tired, needing grounding, and yet knowing that change has occured deeply within. Today the feeling of change is there, but it is just below the surface, slowly taking root so that it may flourish. Here's to a new year filled with wonder!

feet first...

Its been a busy week. The holiday shopping season is certainly upon us at work. Thus, the holiday induced stress of retail has taken hold of my mind, body, and spirit. I'm struggling with the concept of working in the "real" world lately. I keep a job only to pay the bills and to hopefully save for the future (which honestly doesn't happen as much as it should). I would prefer to merely make art, garden, and work as a full-time priestess. Which I'm sure is something a lot of people wish they could do. I have many friends who have tried to make it on that path and have left it behind, for several real world reasons.

Yet, as this year comes to a close and I reflect upon this fact, I'm thinking its time to concentrate far more on the things that bring beauty and wonder into my life, so that I may break with working in the "real" world and live the life I love. I was commited to this path once before and doing well. I was managing to balance the need to maintain a 9 to 5 in order to make doing the things I enjoy easier. I lost my way when I moved to South Dakota, due to fear, due to a need to survive in a place where my support network wasn't. So, as I move forward in this cycle of my life and prepare to move across the country once again, I feel its important to begin focusing on projects that will shift my daily life towards the life I want to live.

I have a to do list ahead of me in order to make this all happen. So far it includes the following:

~Finish writing cookbook and get it published. I'm setting a Nov. 30th deadline for writing.

~Focus more on my spiritual path. This blog is a gateway for just that.

~Spend less time procrastinating on facebook, reddit, etc... and more time on the above goals.

Wish me luck!

Today's Tarot:

Eight of Swords

This card always comes up when I'm feeling penned in and unable to focus. Most of the last few days have certainly felt this way. Including an MS flair up that caused my left eye to lose most of its focus all day Friday and parts of Saturday. This flair up served as a friendly reminder that I should be living the life I love. The Eights in all suits represent a decision to move forward and need to find direction. Well I've made my decision, and I will be moving in the direction of my destiny. Fear be damned! It's time to jump feet first.

Alignment...

I've been doing a lot of thinking about chakra alignment this week. I'm thinking of working on a meditation or trance that focuses on them as a pathway to balance and centering. It could be worked into a grounding exercise or used as the main work of a ritual. I wonder about it being used in combination with yoga poses that are meant to open each of the chakras. Thoughts?

Today's Tarot:

Ace of Cups

This has been a Cups heavy week. Perhaps I am to believe that my cup of creativity and love runneth over? I have felt more in harmony and more creative lately. I've been tapping into my emotions more effectively as well. Perhaps my emotions are beginning to balance back out again. I've been trying to focus more on my compassion for others and for myself lately. This seems to be having a positive effect at work. Which is where I need it most. Compassion helps me combat the frustration I often feel.

Moving forward...

I had an excellent time getting all dressed up and going out last night. The costume party was a huge hit. I realized this morning that C and I once again completely forgot to get any photos of us in our costumes. Here's hoping we remember to get some next weekend at Deadweird in Deadwood.

Today's Tarot:

The Wheel of Fortune

Expansion of possibilities is indicated by this card. New experiences and a burst of creative energy are possible. New life is represented. Fated encounters and happy experiences are on the horizon.

Creativity....

Our first Halloween adventure is tonight. I'm excited to come home after I work this morning to finish up my costume. We're going to the LGBT Equality Center's costume party. It should be a great time!

Today's Tarot:

Knight of Cups

More love and creativity today! That works for me. Yesterday was, as I had hoped, fairly frustration free. I was too tired to take advantage of being creative once I got home last night though. Here's hoping today's love and creativity are well taken advantage of.

I'm toying with the idea of starting a meditation group here in Rapid City. I'm fairly certain Janis would let me use the yoga studio for space.

Let the love flow...

I'm having one of those days where I wish I could just stay in bed. I ache from head to toe and didn't sleep well last night. I work a 9 hour shift today, and am not looking forward to it. When I left the store yesterday, I noticed a lot of random shoving of merchandise going on. There is a large portion of our staff who either don't understand merchandising or just don't care. This frustrates me to no end. It also means that our loving bosses are paying two of us to do the same job. Paying them to shove it on a random shelf, paying me to re-organize and make it shop able for our customers. It's going to be a long day.

Today's Tarot

Ace of Cups

Let the creativity and love flow. This Ace denotes the waters of emotion renewing and encouraging new beginnings to flow forth. Fertility is also a theme of this Ace, and as I awoke at 3 am with cramps straight from Hades, it certainly fits. Here's hoping I can harness the spirit of flowing love and creativity while fighting off frustration through out my day.

frost...

There is a protective layer of frost upon my car this morning. A true sign that winter is on its way to South Dakota. I like cold weather, but I dread winter here. Winter lasts from mid to late October until May or June here. It's just too damn long. Plus it has a tendency to block my two favorite seasons, Fall and Spring. The other issue is that they aren't so keen on plowing/sanding/salting the roads here. Which is sort of a problem, seeing how I live at the top of a very steep hill and often have to park at the bottom and walk the 3 1/2 blocks up to my apartment in the snow and wind.

Today's Tarot

Ace of Wands

The beginning of new vision and creativity. This is a good day to start new projects. Here's hoping for a day filled with new ideas and creative solutions.

Light and Love...

There are few things I love more than a crisp Autumn morning spent sipping coffee. I wish I could continue this morning ritual, but alas I must go to work soon. Back to reality.

Today's Tarot

Strength

This card signifies loving transformation. Great energies surround me at my time of need. Triumph is attained through light and love.

Blessed....

I've had a blessed and bliss filled day. I've been fairly productive as far as getting housework done, bills paid, cooking tasty food, and errands run. I also had an interesting question posed to me after my Focus Yoga class. My dear friend and yoga instructor asked if I'd be interested in teaching the Restorative class. I said that I would be interested in giving it a shot or in co-teaching it with Andra, who is currently teaching. Is this the re-birth today's tarot was pointing me towards?

Breathing in new life....

Today's Tarot:

Death

This card always represents new beginnings within my life. I've always felt strongly connected to the Phoenix, the bird of rebirth. When one phase of our lives is out grown and fades away, a new phase is born. We're also coming into the dark part of the year as well as the Pagan new year on Samhain. It is a time to let that which does not serve die away and to renew that which does. I've been thinking a lot lately about simplifying our home. I miss the days when I lived in my tiny studio apartment that only allowed me the space for things that were needed. Our apartment isn't by any means huge, but we've managed to fill it with un-needed things. We really should of had a garage sale before it got cold out. Perhaps a goal for this Winter should be to box up all the things that we'll sale at the beginning of the Spring. A sort of pre-Spring cleaning.

I want to do more with this blog than just list my daily tarot pulls. I was thinking of maybe adding some book reviews, perhaps some kitchen magic, etc... Any suggestions?

Also, I'm always curious about those of you who are reading this. If you don't mind, leave me a little note about yourself. Perhaps, what your plans for Samhain are.

Now what?

I seem to be having a hard time getting back into the swing of daily life after being gone for a week. I do think that coming back to so much work is playing a big part in it. The first of two charity bake sales that I'm in charge of this fall happened yesterday. It went really well and we raised $400 for The Great American Bake Sale's efforts to end childhood hunger. Someone's In The Kitchen is also matching the funds raised for our local Feeding South Dakota Back Pack Program, that helps feed 1300 local children over the weekends during the school year.

Today's Tarot:

The Chariot

One battle ends, and one new path is forged. The Chariot is a card of victory, but also of caution. It is the celebration at the end of a long struggle and heralding of the next step.

Saving clearly....

Yesterday was one of those days where you would swear fairies are picking on you and trying to make you lose your mind. However, today is looking to be a far more organized day.

Today's Tarot:

Eight of Pentacles

The card of seeking wisdom and knowledge. This is a time clarity and ease. Which is great because I have a lot too do to finish preparing for the charity bake sale that I'm in charge of on Saturday. This card also represents small, regular saving of money; which is something C and I need to do more often. We manage to do okay and then it seems that something always manages to come up and we have to drain the savings account. We've got to get saving for our move across the country next Fall.

home again

I'm back from vacation. It was wonderful. I feel refreshed and invigorated. I'll be back to my daily Tarot pulls tomorrow morning.



Love and Light to all!

I'm leaving on a jet plane

One last tarot before I go....

Four of Pentacles

Improved security, normally pertaining to financial gain. I'm uncertain how this applies to a day that I will be spending in airports and on planes. But we shall see.

Phoenix rising...

My vacation starts later this afternoon. I fly home to Illinios at 6 am tomorrow morning. I'm hoping for a nice relaxing week spent with family and friends. I won't have internet access while I'm away, so unless I find time to post before my flight, this will be my last post until Oct 12th.

Today's Tarot:

Ace of Wands

This card always brings new beginnings as all Aces' denote. Fire is the passion of creativity the birth of new ideas forged in the flames. With fire in my belly I greet this day. I've always related to the Phoenix. Many times I've gone through the ashes to be re-born. Perhaps it's time to rise once again?

Good omens....

Yesterday was a very long day, productive, but long. I have a lot to do before my big trip at the end of the week. I'm heading home to visit my family and take in my home town's Fall festival. I plan to spend some time reconnecting with the area I grew up in. I need to, as a very dear friend put it, "reconnect with holy ground". I need that magic of my childhood to come alive again and propel me forward.

Today's Tarot:

Ace of Swords

This card often represents balanced judgement. It can denote legal proceedings. Which we are indeed in the middle of currently. This card doesn't mean that the scales will neccesaraly  tip in our direction, but that there may be a balanced outcome. I'm seeing this as a good omen for the week to come. Goddess knows I can use all the good omens I can get right now.

Relax...

Today's Tarot:

Four of Swords


What an appropriate card for today. I went to a more advanced yoga class yesterday and am really feeling it today. My body needs rest. The Four of Swords is a card of withdrawal, rest, and convalescence. I slept for ten hours last night, my body must have needed it. I have a few small chores to do around the house today, but I think I'll mostly lounge about and relax. After all that's what Sundays are made for.

Planning...

Ah, October...

Today begins my favorite month of the year. The leaves are changing, the days are shortening, the moon hangs bright and low in the midnight sky. Everything begins to slow.

With that slowing down comes introspection, a sense of who I am at my core. I've felt like my head is full of clutter this year. Its time to sweep away and box up what does not serve my true self. On my outer landscape, that translates to a need to simplify my belongings. Don't get me wrong, I'm most certainly not a hoarder, but I have found myself being too much of a consumer over the last couple of years.  When I first moved to South Dakota, I allowed myself to think this need to buy was simply nesting. The problem is, I've never stopped. Plain and simple, I've amassed far too much stuff. Clothes I don't wear, kitchen things I don't use, food I don't eat, books and magazines that I don't read, art supplies I don't use. The piles of things have taken over my living space. The outer clutter has shifted into my mind and added to the mental clutter. Its time to break this cycle. To add to the savings account instead of to the object account.

Today's Tarot:

King of Cups

This card conjures up the thought of emotional, instinctual, and spiritual endeavours. My path is winding back towards a more creative world. A year from now I'll be living and breathing the arts at John C. Campbell Folk Art School. That is a defined future. The question is where does the road lead as I travel towards my destination? What deep beauty will manifest this day?

Today's Tarot:

Five of Wands

The card of conflict. Here's hoping things are easily resolved throughout the day. Work is always a source of power struggles for me. There are members of the staff who are just there to earn a paycheck and don't really bother to do anything and yet they bitch and moan when someone changes a display. Now given, most of these people have been there for more than a decade and in a way have earned the right to stand around. However, they make it harder on those of us who are still trying to maintain the business. I spend far too much energy at work trying to not blow up at them. This then causes inner conflict. I don't want to feel hateful and frustrated all the time. Plus, I become very resentful of those who don't pitch in to make work a positive place. Its a challenge to strike a balance.

Breaking bonds....

Today's Tarot: Eight of Swords, reversed

So glad this card came out reversed. The Eight of Swords  is a card of bondage and mental blocks. Reversed it is a card the signifies a release from restrictions. However it can also suggest relationship problems and warns against power struggles. Today is a day to aviod arguements and to release bounds.

Listening...

The following is my current Free Will Astrology Horoscope from Rob Brezsny. It really hits home and is a lesson that I often need work on. As anyone who knows me, can tell you, I'm a terrible listener. I need to cultivate a sense of active listening. 

ARIES (March 21-April 19): I've got a challenging assignment for you. In
accordance with your current astrological omens, I am inviting you to
cultivate a special kind of receptivity -- a rigorously innocent openness to
experience that will allow you to be penetrated by life's beauty with
sublime intensity. To understand the exact nature of this receptivity,
study Abraham Maslow's definition of *real* listening: to listen "without
presupposing, classifying, improving, controverting, evaluating, approving
or disapproving, without dueling what is being said, without rehearsing the
rebuttal in advance, without free-associating to portions of what is being
said so that succeeding portions are not heard at all."

Perhaps its time to read a little more of Maslow's study and start listening an stop talking.

Choice...

This seems to be a Pentacles themed week thus far. Yesterday's tarot pull was the Ace of Pentacles. That aligned with the New Moon makes me hope that new prosperous beginnings are just around the corner.

Today's Tarot:

The Lovers

This is a card of passion and choice. Its time to look forward and backward to see where this path is taking me. Another fork in the road, a time to evaluate the next step. Autumn is often a time of re-evaluating for me. I tend to make big changes in my life during this part of the year. "We live the life we choose, no matter if we make the choice ourselves or allow someone else to make it for us." Is a quote I hold dear. There are a myriad of possibilities that need to be looked at before the next direction is chosen.

Seed-time...

Today's Tarot:

Seven of Pentacles

The card of seed-time and unknown possibilities. Exert from The Renaissance Tarot that really hits home, "This card is linked with hard work that is currently producing little financial gain. The temptation is to allow anxiety to block progress. Fears of poverty and unfounded concerns about the future may subvert energy and creative growth at this time. Focusing on the rewards, instead of the process required to claim them, could be the problem." That pretty much sums up my current inner landscape. I have some many possibilities knocking at the door and floating through my dreams, and yet my current hard work isn't getting me any closer to them. Here's hoping this card pull is the seed that brings forth growth.

Fairy cards....

I've embraced my crafty side today. Something I haven't done for far too long. As an artist I often go through long periods of inactivity as far as my work goes. Sometimes this is due to being in a creative rut and sometimes its because I'm figuring out the ins and outs of a project. Today I'm working on greeting cards. They have paper doll like fairies, witches, and princesses affixed to them. They're cute and quite fun to make.

Today's Tarot:

Three of Cups

This is a card of celebration and of energy returning after a long period of stagnation. Perhaps this is pointing towards my renewed sense of creativity? 

Pumpkin Festival

Today is the Rapid City Pumpkin Festival. I'm so excited to go downtown and celebrate the beginning of Fall! This is my favorite time of year. Crisp breezes, changing leaves, warm sweaters, fall colors, pumpkin flavored everything, Samhain just around the corner! a

Today's Tarot:

Temperance

Finding harmony, balance, and adaptability. Finding balance is a constant goal in my life. I've also been struggling with adaptability the last few years. I don't seem to roll with the punches quite as easily. This is also a card of re-newed creativity. It is the card of the Alchemy. A card of changing something ugly into something beautiful. 

Update:

Yesterday was indeed about adapting and finding balance. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a hard time sitting still. Even when I want to be lazy I feel guilty for not being active. I had little to no energy yesterday and yet spent the whole day trying to balance my mind's need to clean the house with my body's need to relax. Today seems to have brought more of this feeling.

Many apologies for missing a Tarot pull yesterday. I was all the way to work before I realized I hadn't.

Today's Tarot:

Five of Pentacles

This is a card of loss. It also tends to symbolize the point where things are darkest right before the dawn. My hope is that this signifies that today is the Autumnal Equinox, that Summer has wained and Winter awaits. However, considering all the finical ups and downs we've had this year, it could be pointing towards more money woes. We shall have to wait and see what the day brings.

Have a glorious equinox!

Update: Well, yesterday was mostly un-eventful. So I'm leaning towards the Five of Pentacles being about the changes that come from the equinox. :)

Learning...

Mmm the air is crisp and it smells like Fall! My morning run was fantastic. I love running in the cool Autumn air! I have a relaxing day ahead that will end with me teaching my first cooking class. Tonight's menu includes; Autumn Harvest Salad with Citrus Vinaigrette, Garlic and Herb Biscuits, Mushroom Stroganoff, and Peanut Butter Truffles.

Today's Tarot:

The Hierophant


Appropriate considering I'm teaching tonight. I've also been seriously thinking about taking one of the 4 Week Foundation courses from Cherry Hill Seminary. Perhaps this card pull is a push towards higher learning!

Tarot for Sept. 20th

Today's card: Queen of Swords

Thoughts: This is always a card of communication for me. I'm hoping this means communication will come easily today and without conflict. The two headed bird depicted could represent seeing both sides of a conflict or being in conflict with someone who has two sides to their nature. Here's to cutting through the mental road blocks and communicating freely!

Daily Tarot...

I'm going to start a daily Tarot practice. Every morning I plan to pull a card for the day. I'll post here what the card is, what it means to me on first consideration and then again later in the evening on how I feel it fit into my day.

Todays card:

The Hanged Man

The card of willing sacrifice and waiting. I wonder if this means I'll be putting off my own needs at work today in order to help others with their own? Or perhaps it means a deeper understanding of the waiting that must occur before progress? Maybe a willingness to let the universe unravel at its own speed instead of pushing against barriers?

Blissed out...

The yoga studio that I'm a member of, Roots, has been going through some growing pains this summer. Because of this, our class schedule has changed. I mentioned last week that the Restorative class is now on Sunday and is a bliss filled 1 1/2 hours. This week we have a new teacher. Andra is amazing! She has been through many years of Shaman training and uses therapeutic harp and chant to heal. What a blissful experience to be able to hit a trance state while in a supported heart opening back bend. Restorative has already been a source of great relaxation and helped to re-align my chakras. I could feel my energy flow so clearly during class tonight. I felt like I was made of pure light. My whole spirit feels lifted and I'm actively lighter on my feet. Blessed Be!

And it harm none...

This morning while I was getting ready for work, I was thinking about the reasons why I'm Vegan. A huge part of it is due to health issues. However I realized that my spiritual values also play a big role. I try to live the Wiccian Rede, "And it harm none, do what ye will." The taking of another's life as a source of food just doesn't feel right to me. We live in a society that eats meat because its taught to, not out of nessicity for survival. We aren't honoring the souls of the creatures, who are being brutilized, and giving their lives to feed us.

In and Out of the Dreaming

Last night's dreams brought with them a lot of anxiety. I woke up several times worried about loss. Loss of wealth, loss of love, loss of connection. But with those losses came new beginings. Most of them were centered around my impending move to North Carolina. Its still a year away, as my Student Host position with John C. Campbell Folk Art School doesn't start until Sept 26, 2012, but its on my mind constantly. There is planning and saving to be done.

J came over for dinner last night and of course we talked about it and that spurred the dreams. She's moving to Memphis around the same time for grad school. I did a tarot spread about the move a few days ago. The dreams left me with the same slightly uncertain feeling that the tarot reading left me with. There are big changes coming and for the first time in my life I'm wary of them. I normally embrace change, live for change, love change. This time though I find myself hesitating. Perhaps I'm just getting older, but this feels less like the comfort of old age and more like fear.

Restoring

I worked on some creative visualization during my Restorative Yoga class tonight. I tried to concentrate on sweeping out the mental cobwebs. I had this image of myself in a dusty old attic. It was all bare timbers with a single dirty window. As I used my broom to knock down and sweep out the cobwebs the sun through the window brightened. This has inspired me to purge our household of that which does not serve us. C and I have some serious cleaning to do!

I also spent time chanting within my mind Earth, Air, Fire, Water. I began to feel more grounded than I've felt since moving here. The combination of the inner chanting, the accupressure, and the yoga pose allowed me to feel connected from my roots through my limbs. Through out class I felt more and more realise in my shoulders, neck, and back. I'm excited that we're having class on Sundays now. It allows for a longer class and because there isn't anything at the studio after us, we don't feel rushed out of our sacred space.

I'm home now, back in reality. My house is full of delightfully nerdy gamers. :) Now to make some dinner and hunker down with a book for the evening.

Welcome

It is my plan to use this blog to document my journey to re-connect with my authentic self. Over the last three years I've strayed from my spiritual path. Though I've grown in many ways over this time, I still find myself often feeling lost and disconnected. I find myself longing for connection. Connection to others, connection to the five sacred elements, connection of mind, body, and spirit, connection to a compassion and an integrity that I once held so dear. I often find myself frustrated and lacking the ability to cope. This blog will be my journal, here I will leave the details of my search for myself.