de-stressing

Sorry for the long absence, between the holidays and doing some soul searching life has been busy. I've been working towards a sense of balance lately and am getting closer each day. I've stopped listening to the constant bickering at work, which is helping a lot. Tomorrow I have a massage appointment, which should help release more stress.

I plan to begin doing the daily tarot posts again, hopefully starting tomorrow.

Balance...

I've been thinking a lot about the comment cgirlslife made on my last post about The Chariot. I have to agree that balance plays a big part in why it is coming up so much lately. I am lacking balance and try as I might, I'm finding it very hard to achieve. Its been a problem ever since I first moved to South Dakota. I still feel alienated here. I feel more out of place here than I ever have in my life. That may very well be my own doing, however I still feel that those I interact with have also played a roll. Maybe they sensed all along that I wouldn't be staying long and that's why they've stayed distant. I've lost track of the number of reasons for why I feel this way.

Were it not for the yoga studio and the friends I've found there, I'm fairly certain I would have packed myself and the cat back up in the car and driven back to Illinois by now. I'm so thankful for the yoga studio. It offers me a place to ground, a place to seek change in my life, a place to peel back the layers and re-discover my authentic self.

C has played a large roll in my staying here as well. We've been through a lot of ups and downs this past year. He's had an incredibly rough year and what kind of friend and lover would I be if I deserted him when he needs me most? I just couldn't do that, no matter how unbalanced I feel here. 

I somehow feel like I left my authentic self in Illinois. Some where in that tiny studio apartment, nestled into a dark corner, she sits waiting for my return. I was at my best when I lived in that tiny room. I was centered, I was alive, I was home. When I moved out of the studio and into F&W's house I still felt at home. Mostly because they were two of the best roommates I've ever had the pleasure of living with. The three of us and the twelve cats were a family. A calm, loving, supporting family. I have a different family unit now. One that still works together and with love,  but one that seems to lack balance for whatever reason.

time...

Today's Tarot

This feels like a repeat or perhaps its just the theme of my week. Today's pull was yet again The Chariot. I realize its a time of "What next?", but I am apparently missing an over arching theme. If I get time today, perhaps I'll meditate a bit more on this. I have my second charity bake sale at work this Saturday. I'm excited for it, but also very ready for it to be over. I've been feeling an increasing amount of stress in my life recently and its starting to effect my physical health. I need a break, and can't really see one any where in the near future.

Seeking peace...

Yesterday was filled with Mondayness. I have a co-worker who is just downright hateful. Try as I might to be nice and do things to be helpful, she treats me, as well as others, like crap. She has a poisonous attitude and is the queen of the backhanded compliment. Most days I do a fairly good job of ignoring her. An incident happened yesterday that caused a serious emotional outpouring on my part. I broke down. There is only so much I can take before tears well up and I let go. The General Manager, who is a good friend, was very kind and allowed me the time I needed to find some calm. I'm thankful that I have today off to re-group and concentrate on peacefulness.

moving forward...

Its been a long and somewhat frustrating week. I'm happy to have arrived to Sunday, a day free from work that can be concentrated on home, family, mind, body, and soul.

I spent most of Tuesday working on my cookbook. I've completely re-structured the content and am much happier with the end product. I also took some time to do a bit of market research and look at self-publishing options. I feel very up beat about the whole endeavor and have broken through most of the frustration I previously had. I'm going to begin a second blog this week that concentrates on veganism.

I deleted my Facebook account yesterday. I feel as though its the best way that I can currently show my solidarity with the OWS movement. Goldman Sachs owns a large percentage on Facebook stock. I don't feel comfortable allowing them so much entrance to my personal life. I realize that this also means less contact with friends and a loss of being able to publicize my writing, but I'll find other ways. I do admit that at some point I might make accounts that are solely for the promotion of my blogs and book. Those won't contain personal content though.

Today's Tarot:

The Chariot

Victory after struggle but not an end. This is a time for focus, of "what next?", of finding direction and taking the next step.

Processing....

With the passing of Samhain, comes winter's cold embrace. Rapid City is a dark, cloudy place to be on this first of November. Rain and snow showers are on the agenda for the day with several inches of snow in the forecast for Saturday. Honestly, I'm not ready for it. Winter hangs on far too long here. It stretches on until June in the Hills. I suppose I shouldn't dwell on it though.

I spent a good portion of my time yesterday with a very involved Celtic Cross Tarot Reading. I had planned to post it, but am still processing the information. Perhaps later today once I re-read my notes and meditate a bit more.